The Standard of Punishment in Collegiate Athletics (Or The Grayest of Gray Areas Governed by the NCAA)

Okay, okay. I know I missed last week’s Dumbass of the Week Award. What can I say? A girl needs a vacation every once in awhile. 🙂

I’m back now, though, and I’ve got a combo post for all of you. We’ll start with the group of guys that have certainly earned my Dumbass of the Week Award. Not wanting to be outdone by our last winners, the North Dakota State football players who got popped for voter fraud/petition forgery, the University of North Dakota men’s hockey team upped the ante by throwing a team party on Saturday night that was an alleged freshman initiation. Not that it’s needed, but let’s consider a list of the reasons this little soiree was a decision of unutterably stupid proportions:

• It happened in Walsh Hall, a residence hall on UND’s campus. UND’s dry campus, I should say. I know that hockey players are afforded a status on this campus similar to that given to Alabama’s football players or Duke’s basketball players, but the sometimes blatant assumption that they can get away with whatever it is they choose to do is insulting. If you’re going to be stupid enough to throw a party at which alcohol is present on a dry campus in a residence hall teeming with RAs, you’re asking to be busted.
• While true freshmen on a DI college hockey team are semi-rare, freshmen and sophomores under the age of 21 are not. When one considers the rules requiring students to live on campus until a certain again at most colleges, it becomes fairly obvious that underage drinking was going on. When this story first broke, the assistant state’s attorney was waiting to charge people until he got more information from the police who (according to the article I linked to earlier) were called because alcohol was present and someone was passed out.
• Initially, the school suspended the team’s four captains (Corban Knight, Andrew MacWilliam, Danny Kristo, and Carter Rowney)  for the season opener against Alaska-Anchorage on October 19. No word if the party was planned or thrown specifically by these four guys, but as the team’s captains, it appears the school is holding them accountable for teamwide oopsies. The school also specified that the entire team will be placed on probation, will have weekly alcohol education classes, will take part in a program-wide mandatory community service project, and will face severe penalties (along the lines of reduced scholarships, possible suspensions or even expulsions) should another player find himself on the wrong side of the rules.
• News broke online yesterday that the assistant state’s attorney got the information he needed as four players on the team will be charged with underage drinking (their names haven’t been released because the charges won’t be officially filed until Monday). Additional suspensions also came down as sophomores Connor Gaarder, Andrew Panzarella and Stephane Pattyn (all 21 or older) were taken out of the line-up for the team’s October 20 game against Alaska-Fairbanks. The team also gave Danny Kristo another one game suspension and suspended sophomore Brendan O’Donnell for violating team policy (unrelated to the party). Now, Kristo will miss the entire opening weekend, and O’Donnell will serve his suspension during the October 19 game. Their suspensions, coupled with a prior unrelated two-week suspension for sophomore Dan Senkbeil, has left the team starting off the season on all kinds of interpretations of “the wrong foot.”

So what does that leave us? A team facing the disappointment and disapproval of head coach Dave Hakstol (anyone who’s seen a UND hockey game and the stoic, perpetual “you call this your best effort” face he always wears knows how hard it must be to have to man up under that kind of scrutiny). A team who has reached the line in the sand for how far they can push before a university pushes back. A team who has messed up so many times before the season even starts that it will start that season one player short of a typical roster size (teams usually field 18 players during a game, but the suspensions will leave UND with only 17 available players on October 19).

Hey guys? That “think before you act” thing your mom always used to say? That was actually really good advice; keep it in mind next time someone thinks they’ve got a brilliant idea. Congrats, Idiots.

A lot of people have had a lot to say about the way in which the NCAA hands out punishment to athletic programs for missteps and bad choices. In recent years, it seems we’ve been faced with a number of examples in which heavy sanctions have been dropped on teams (football teams seem to be the biggest targets–whether that’s because they have more players and therefore a higher chance of someone screwing up or because they simply screw up more often and in bigger ways, I’m not sure). USC is heading into its first football season post-ban for “lack of institutional control” in regards to Reggie Bush, and Penn State is heading into its first of four football seasons without postseason hopes (among other things).

“Lack of institutional control.” It’s a phrase that seems to cover all manner of sins within college athletics. It’s a sort of catch-all when a player or program does something wrong that doesn’t clearly fall under any one NCAA rule but needs to be addressed in some way. Let’s take a look at Reggie Bush, for example. It was discovered that he had accepted improper benefits while a player at USC. While Bush hasn’t admitted to any wrongdoing, the NCAA, following their investigation, laid out the following penalties:

• Four year probation
• Two year postseason ban
• The vacating of the last two wins of the 2004 season (including the 2005 Orange Bowl) as well as the entirety of the 2005 season
• Loss of 30 scholarships over 3 seasons
• USC’s running backs coach was banned from off-campus recruiting for one season after it was made known that he was aware of Bush’s activities
• USC had to permanently cut ties with Reggie Bush

Sure “improper benefits” is a common enough phrase within collegiate sports these days, and there are several examples of individual players being punished for accepting such gifts. The difference maker in the case of USC (as an example-they’re certainly not the only ones) was the NCAA determined that the football program didn’t take the steps it should have to prevent or stop these things from occurring. According to the chairman of the NCAA infractions committee, Paul Dee, “High-profile players merit high-profile enforcement.”

Then we have Penn State. A completely unfathomable scandal out of a completely unexpected school. No one was prepared to read or hear about the gravity of the allegations being thrown around as the media got a hold of and ran away with the story. A former assistant football coach at a storied institution known for its tradition and legacy (especially on defense-Linebacker U anyone?) used his position and, sometimes, school facilities to sexually abuse countless young boys. When the depravity of Jerry Sandusky’s actions seemed like the worst it could get, suddenly the public was faced with the realization that people knew. A player-turned-graduate-assistant-turned-coaching-staff-member walked in on Sandusky with a child in the locker room at Penn State in 2001. That player told Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno told Tim Curley and Gary Schultz (athletic director and vice president for business and finance, respectively). The result of those conversations? Sandusky being told not to bring anymore children to the school’s facilities. All this after Sandusky had already been investigated (though not charged) for child abuse in 1998.

Needless to say it was an unbelievably tragic, messy story that ended with Sandusky being convicted on 45 counts of sexual abuse. How does the NCAA fit in?

• Five year probation
• Four year postseason ban
• Vacating all wins from 1998-2011, including conference titles
• $60 million fine
• Loss of 40 scholarships from 2013-2017, and no more than 65 total scholarships for that same time period
• Adopt all recommendations in the Freeh Report
• Take steps to guarantee university compliance with NCAA policies

These sanctions seemed to spark one of two reactions in sports fans: way too much or nowhere near enough. Either people felt like the penalties were far too harsh for a program/school that no longer employed anyone involved in the scandal (essentially the NCAA was punishing staff and players who had no part in anything that went on before Sandusky was arrested), or they felt like the NCAA was too lenient (many people called for the death penalty in which the NCAA completely shuts down the Penn State football program for a set period of time).

Here’s the thing: the NCAA had to do something because doing nothing would’ve been inexcusable. The court of public opinion would’ve tarred and feathered the powers that be. The egregious nature of what happened at Penn State demanded a response of some degree. Plus, the NCAA was able to justify many of their decisions. The vacating of wins took away Paterno’s record of career wins: he knew Sandusky had done something unforgivable, but didn’t take the initiative to call the police when it appeared the school officials weren’t taking the right steps. Paterno had already been fired, so the availability of other methods of punishment were limited.

The $60 million fine is approximately equal to the amount of revenue generated by the Nittany Lion football program in a single year. Plus, that fine is being put toward an endowment for preventing child abuse. It seems like an exorbitant amount, but this is a school and football program with money we can’t fathom at its disposal. They’ll recover from a fine of this amount, and the money is going to a great cause.

But what about the other side of the coin and those that say it wasn’t enough? The continued violations by Southern Methodist University that resulted in the death penalty issued by the NCAA was a learning experience, for everyone. It took decades for SMU’s football program to start to rebound (though the struggles were not solely due to the penalty), which was not the intention of the NCAA in issuing the punishment. Since then the NCAA has been hesitant to hand down the death penalty, though it has happened in lower divisions of athletics. Could they have issued it to Penn State? Of course. They admitted to seriously considering it. But a person has to consider the other activities at Penn State. A death penalty for Penn State football would be a death sentence for nearly every other sport at that school because it’s a football-heavy institution (unlike an Ohio State or Stanford that has annual powerhouses in multiple sports that bring in fans and therefore money). Yes these punishments seem to be taken out on football players who had nothing to do with what happened, but to some degree that’s unavoidable. What is avoidable is taking the $60 million or so that football brings into the athletics budget every year away from their other, smaller sports teams who rely on that money as well. So while the football players are suffering through postseason bans and reduced scholarships, their continued playing keeps the sanctions from resonating too much within cross-country, basketball, soccer, and other teams fielded at Penn State.

Harsh penalties? Definitely. Warranted? Of course. Survivable? Eventually. To me, the bottom line is that the scandal at Penn State went further than just the football program. As soon as school administration was made aware and began taking steps to cover their asses rather than call the police and help the victims, it became a school-wide issue. In that regard, the NCAA had to look at it as punishing an institution rather than punishing individuals. According to the NCAA, Penn State’s “football first” method of decision-making following their realization of what was going on “presents an unprecedented failure of institutional integrity leading to a culture in which a football program was held in higher esteem than the values of the institution, the values of the NCAA, the values of higher education, and most disturbingly the values of human decency.”

It’s never easy being the school used as an example to the rest of the class, but in this case? The NCAA had to take a hard line to show that athletics should never be put ahead of the best interests of players, students, fans, or the school itself. Will we ever see another scandal of this magnitude? I really hope not, but should this situation reappear in some format in future years, the NCAA had to ensure that there was no history of leniency in dealing with a school’s mistakes.

Agree, disagree, or indifferent, the other thing to keep in mind is that Penn State agreed to every sanction put forth by the NCAA. The school accepted its punishment and is working on reforming itself and its programs; it’s working to move on.

What it comes down to is the realization that the NCAA has to follow a case-by-case basis when doling out punishments for mistakes made by its member schools. While they do have set rules and policies that programs have to follow, a person has to keep in mind that breaking those rules or defying those policies is only limited by the creativity of the person doing it. Honestly? If you’re going to take on the NCAA’s policies, I’m thinking some of you can be pretty creative. So they may have an idea of how they’ll handle certain types of situations, but trying to come up with a rubric to follow every time someone messes up just isn’t feasible. I know we all have our choice words to say about the NCAA; I can’t help but think, though, that we’d have a lot more even less flattering opinions if they tried to shove every issue into the same few punitive reactions. Do they handle it right every time? Of course not. But assuming they should is unfair. Punishments in an organization like the NCAA can’t necessarily be standardized. Occasionally pissed off fans meet inherently frustrating gray area. It simply can’t be any other way (at least not any other way that would be any better).

Besides, the NCAA is a voluntary organization all these schools pay dues to be a part of, thereby implicitly agreeing to follow all policies and procedures of said governing body. If a school doesn’t like how the NCAA handled their mistake, they really only have two options: buck up and deal with the punishments (and/or the results of any subsequent appeals), or withdraw from the NCAA and suffer the consequences. I would tend to think schools would rather just do their time and move on.

Wildcat Win: A Running Diary of a Championship

So, with my Kansas Jayhawks gunning for a title against Kentucky tonight, I thought keeping a running diary of my observations during the game would be an interesting way of distracting me from what will likely be a Kentucky victory. Read, laugh, share. Enjoy, my friends.

180 minutes until game time: Eight police officers enter our apartment building, and head to the apartment at the other end of our hallway. My husband walks into our apartment and all I hear from down the hall is “GFPD! We have a search warrant, open up!” accompanied by banging on our neighbor’s door. An hour later, our neighbor is cuffed and perp-walked to a squad car while our version of CSI (one guy in his personal vehicle that he parks in someone’s assigned spot) apparently combs through the apartment. It’s going to be an intense night.

45 minutes until game time: I’ve tried to avoid too much pre-game coverage because it’s Kentucky-biased, and with good reason. They’ve made a case for Calipari’s one-and-done system; fast, athletic, unselfish, and just plain good. Now that I’ve tuned in, though, they’re singing Kansas’ praises, starting with Thomas Robinson. They replay an earlier piece about Robinson’s oft-mentioned personal struggles last season and how those have become his motivation for getting to the NBA. Great kid, great ballplayer, great big brother.

38 minutes until game time: Shootaround is taking place. Apparently there have been some pretty dangerous thunderstorms moving through NOLA, forcing the College Gameday crew to awkwardly rotate in their bus for camera time. I’d like to say it creates a more analytical, even intimate atmosphere for the pregame coverage, but in reality it’s just kind of strange to see them without their desk.

35 minutes until game time: Go on, Digger! I’m fairly certain that Bill Self should just use that clip as his pre-game speech. I’m fired up enough to go out and take the tip-off away from Anthony Davis myself. Defense, controlling Kentucky’s transition, and hyping up the players: Digger’s keys to the Kansas game (and it doesn’t hurt that he gave Kentucky his Kiss of Death). By the way? Love the green tie/highlighter combo.

32 minutes until game time: Spit it out Andy Katz. I feel as though he wasn’t as prepared for that live update as he could have been.

27 minutes until game time: Jay Bilas and Dick Vitale’s turn in front of the tour bus camera. This is a combo I haven’t seen yet, but it seems to work better than Dick and Digger. I always feel as though Digger sees Dickie V as ESPN’s college basketball Flavor Flav. Hyper, larger than life, odd neckwear, and so excited he’s hard to understand at times. Oh, but how we love him.

22 minutes until game time: Dick Vitale just said that Kansas is going to have to play their best game of the tournament. Shouldn’t be hard; almost anything would be an improvement over how they have been playing. Tyshawn Taylor and Thomas Robinson have both struggled with scoring opportunities, and that can’t happen tonight. In related news, they do say defense wins championships, and Kansas center Jeff Withey is only 3 shy of the single tournament blocks record.

16 minutes until game time: There’s a lot of talk about the rematch between Bill Self and John Calipari. The last time these two met this late in the season was in the 2008 title game that Kansas won, but since the NCAA says Memphis didn’t play in that game I feel as though they’re making a bigger deal out of this match-up than they should.

13 minutes until game time: Obligatory montage of each team’s players talking about the meaning of winning a title, their love for their teammates, and excitement for tonight’s game. In the words of Kansas’ Elijah Johnson, “It’s time to put y’all shoes on; let’s go out and get a W.” Rock chalk, Elijah.

6 minutes until game time: I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad omen that Gumbel is wearing KU colors. By the way, I don’t have the words to explain just how excited I am that tonight is the last time I’ll have to listen to Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley attempt to discuss college ball.

3 minutes until game time: Let’s go make those memories Bill! Good pregame speech from Coach Self. Play each possession tougher, harder, and together. We haven’t played our best yet, so tonight is the night to put it all out there on the line. Simple, subdued, and impactful.

2 minutes until game time: KU takes the floor!!

1 minute until game time: Kenny Smith can’t resist the dig on Reggie Miller by saying Cheryl was the better player. Funny and true. But he screws it up by saying that if Jeff Withey dominates, the trophy goes back to Manhattan. KU is in Lawrence, you dumbass.

National Anthem: Very interesting take on the anthem from The Fray. Wasn’t sure about it at first, but by the end I was into it. Well done, gentlemen. By the way, thank God the NCAA chose a good “theme song” for this year’s tournament. Pretty sure the Black Keys’ “Gold on the Ceiling” is the best one they’ve had in recent memory; it never gets old.

Team Intros: Kansas looks rested, relaxed, and confident. All good signs. Meanwhile, I’m typing this with my eyes closed while I wait for Anthony Davis’ hawk-in-flight unibrow not to be on my television screen anymore. My husband just gave me the all-clear. We should be good to go now.

Tip-off: KU wins possession and draws first blood. Withey seems to be playing close and smart defense of Davis, but I don’t expect him to be the only one that covers him. I’m sure it’ll be a collaborative effort between him and Robinson, depending on the sets UK runs.

19:12: Jeff Withey gets his first Dikembe Mutombo finger-wag block of the game! Two more for the tie and three for the record.

16:05: Bodies everywhere on the floor as the two teams fight for possession. The refs seem to be trying to find a balance between calling the game and letting the boys play. The whistle was a little slow on the jump ball, but it’s still early.

15:22: KU is playing right intoKentucky’s game plan right now. It’s run-and-gun which favors the Wildcats’ athleticism. It’s up and down the floor and Kentucky’s blocks, control, and scoring display just why this type of play isn’t going to work for KU. The ball finally gets out to Tyshawn Taylor who smartly dribbles in place and slows things back down.Kansas needs to figure out how to work the game’s tempo in their favor or things could get too far out of control.

13:39: Now I’m starting to wonder a bit more about the refs. They seem to be wearing Wildcat blue right now. Withey’s getting manhandled under both baskets, yet the calls seem to keep going Kentucky’s way. Thankfully Self pulls Kevin Young out and puts Robinson back in. Young may have five fouls to give, but KU always plays better with Robinson on the floor.

12:53: Dikembe block number two for Withey! I’m fairly certain Doron Lamb watched that ball fly out of bounds like a five-year-old watches fireworks. Recognize.

12:47: Clark Kellogg just said “squeezed the orange.” I mourn in advance the loss of his colorful color commentary when this tournament is over.

11:23: This Kentucky possession has included a very obvious moving screen, a fairly obvious travel, and an apparent push-off. Things are getting sketchy.

9:53: Hell of a shot by Marquis Teague. A “dipsy doodle” according to Jim Nantz, and a dandy one at that.

9:08: Kansas needs to work on shot selection. Shot choices are A, B, C, or D; E’s “all of the above” is not a workable option tonight boys.

7:37: Arguments over calls and non-calls aside, Kentucky certainly seems to be putting on a clinic. There’s a degree of unselfishness among these young guys that is impressive, considering their level of talent. I’d like to think that trait sticks with them into the NBA, but the Association usually eats alive 4 out of every 5 unselfish players that come into the league. We can’t all be Steve Nash.

Commercial Break: I’m fairly certain that a choreographed fan cam dance has been put on my bucket list. Presence of my insurance agent remains to be seen. What do you think Cole?

6:18: Kansas is now down by 15, their biggest deficit of the tournament. Plenty of time left in the half to whittle away at it, but Kansas’ biggest weaknesses right now are tempo, boards, and Kentucky’s perimeter shooting. They can’t keep giving those Wildcats space beyond the arc.

5:12: They may not all fall, but Kansas has got to work on 18-foot jumpers and 3-pointers to force Kentucky’s defense out of the paint to give Withey and Robinson some room to work. Kentucky may not be running the zone, but their defense can get broken in the same way.

4:23: Anthony Davis gets called for a charge. Way to step up and take the hit Kevin Young. Your presence on the court is often brief, but you tend to find ways to make an impact.

3:00: Davis gets a breather presumably for the remainder of the half. Interestingly, he’s not the thorn in the Jayhawks’ side. They’ve got to put a stop to Doron Lamb because he’s destroying their attempts at perimeter defense, and Kidd-Gilchrist because he’s making Withey and Robinson look like they’re in eighth grade.

2:00: Davis actually appeared to be fixing his contact while on the bench and has reentered the game. The sight of him holding his eye open makes his unibrow look like it’s attempting to level out while coming in for a landing. Horrifying.

Halftime: Tyshawn Taylor drives for a layup to “cut” their deficit to 14 points. By all rights, it’s an insurmountable chasm to try to overcome in just 20 minutes of play. It would seem that Bill Self’s subdued pregame chat isn’t cutting it. Time to come to Jesus, kiddos. (Sidebar: my husband disappeared from the living room for a couple minutes only to return in his Jayhawk basketball jersey; shit just got real.)

Greg Gumbel just referred to Barack Obama as the “First Fan.” Hmm…things are getting a little deep out here guys. I will give the president props for being a doting father with his daughter Sasha’s basketball team. Helping out at clinics, cheering them on at games. Way to go, Dad. (Though if I hear Clark Kellogg mention their game of POTUS—like horse except, you know, presidential—one more time, I might have to change the channel)

I’m now listening to Steve Kerr and Clark Kellogg discuss all the things I’ve been writing and talking to my husband about. I feel both validated and bored.

20:00: Time to reach for greatness KU. Let’s go!

18:55: Thomas Robinson gets KU within 12 with a nice little hook shot. He looks a little more like his old self.

18:15: Withey misses the chance at a momentum-swinging dunk. Decent alley from Johnson, but Withey’s oop was lacking.

17:26: Mess of a melee underneath the UK hoop. Tons of ugly shot attempts, tons of missed rebound opportunities for KU, and quite possibly five missed calls on someone from either team.

15:30: Anthony Davis finally scores his first point with a freebie at the charity stripe. Thirteen rebounds and four blocks, yet no points? That’s some kind of stat line for the AP Player of the Year and Naismith Award Winner.

14:44: It would appear that Kansas did something this season to piss off the college basketball gods. I’m not sure yet what it was, but I think it may have involved stealing Jay Bilas’ swag, putting a stop payment on one of Dick Vitale’s Duke paychecks, and shrinking one of Bob Knight’s snazzy ESPN sweaters.

14:12: Clark Kellogg just said that Kansas needs to work on their jumpers to break up Kentucky’s inside defense. (Checking…) Yup, pretty sure I said that at the 5:12 mark of the first half. Thanks for joining the conversation Clark!

13:17: Kentucky gives up its sixth turnover of the second half. The tempo is slowing down due to fatigue and rollercoaster adrenaline. Normally this pace would favor Kansas’ style of play, but they’ve got to get their passing back to its usual precision or they’ll match the Wildcats in giveaways.

12:23: Kansas seems to have found a spark of life suddenly. Their fans are getting louder, their shots are falling, and they look like they trust themselves a little more. Kentucky seems to be cracking a little with the slower pace, but their lead is still holding strong.

 10:50: CBS’ insistence on using the SkyCam angle is unutterably ridiculous. Basketball is meant to be watched from one angle, which (interestingly) is the same angle from which they’ve televised it for 50 years. Stick with what works CBS. The SkyCam is not what works.

9:54: Kentucky scores six points in less than a minute to take the lead back out to 16. Kansas has had its chances to cut it to single digits but just can’t get over the hump. They’re so focused onKentucky’s level of play that they’re trying to match it which doesn’t work. They need to rely on the way they play basketball and trust their own style.

8:41: Davis is back at the free throw line, dropping in his second point of the night. It’s not often you see a man of his size and domination score so little. I’m not sure I agree with Nantz and Kellogg about him being player of the game (I’d lean more toward Lamb myself), but it is impressive.

6:36: My husband’s passion for KU basketball can’t take the way this game is going. He’s now sitting in the recliner with a word search book.

5:58: Robinson fights to save a ball from going out of bounds but ends up stepping on the baseline. The ref who called it Kentucky ball was so excited he appeared to Tebow, give Kentucky the ball, and call a first down all in one motion. Quite dramatic.

4:42: Tyshawn nails a 3! It might be too little too late with Kansas still down 12 (with the way they’ve closed out games this tournament, it’s dangerous to count them completely out with this much time left), but a single digit deficit is certainly a possibility.

4:22: Withey gets another block! He’s eyeing that record like a man possessed. The trophy may be out of reach, but Kansas doesn’t have to go home completely empty-handed.

4:17: It’s a single digit lead for Kentucky which, at this stage, is a small victory for Kansas. This game has felt like a runaway train for most of the night, but Kansas is hanging on with everything they’ve got.

2:32: Kansas matches Kentucky in 3s! The Jayhawks are playing the clock more than they’re playing Kentucky at this point.

1:37: Robinson is at the line and sinks both to bring KU within 5. The Jayhawk faithful are working themselves into a frenzy; they all know that everyone counted Kansas out of this tournament at every step, and each chip away at Kentucky’s lead is a statement of “we belong here tonight.”

1:11: Kentucky calls a timeout with a lead of 6 points. Just enough of a lead for Kentucky to start to taste a win, but not enough of a lead for Kentucky to rest easy. Kansas can smell blood, and it’s just a matter of clock management and smart defense at this point.

54.6: Kentucky’s fans are just about beside themselves as the clock starts to drain. Kansas has entered the foul game, but the sand is falling through the hourglass just a little too fast.

53.9: Jayhawk fans everywhere are reminded of Danny and the Miracles, a Kansas title with Danny Manning 24 years ago tonight. Manning will be taking over the Tulsa head coaching job essentially at the end of this game. We thank him for his years of honing the arsenals of Jayhawk big men, and wish him the best.

39.8: Kansas takes their last timeout, and it’s now impossible to ignore that they let the deficit get too big to overcome in the first half. It’s still a six point gap, but trading possessions and giving Kentucky time at the foul line means that six points is in flux.

35.7: Travis Releford fouls out and KU uses it as a freebie timeout. Marquis Teague is at the line, but it’s not the pressure cooker that end-of-game free throws usually are. They have enough of a lead to feel comfortable, and it shows in how they’re playing.

17.5: My husband is now cleaning up our living room. Yeah, it’s that bad.

0.0: The better team won. I don’t think any Jayhawk fan would argue; Kansas got outplayed, outhustled, outshot, and out-everythinged. They tried to make it interesting, and for a few minutes it was. Was it pretty? Not for Kansas. Was it intense? Oh yeah. Did the right team win? Definitely. Congrats, UK.

Jeff Withey got a total of four blocks in the game, earning that single tournament blocks record. Anthony Davis added to his résumé by matching Joakim Noah’s title game blocks record with six and being named the Final Four’s Most Outstanding Player.

Bracketology Can Go to Hell

There are multiple offices in the building where I work. Last year a guy in the real estate office asked if I wanted to fill out a bracket, and nothing else was ruining my life at the time, so I said, “Why not?” Then I made the mistake of asking my wife if she wanted to fill out a bracket, because the only thing better than ruining your own life is handing your spouse the means to do it for you. Of course she knows next to nothing about college basketball. And of course she picked teams to win games based on the color of their uniforms, or made sympathy picks because Gabrielle Giffords was shot, therefore Arizona should win a few upsets. And of course she won the entire fucking pool, leaving me with a mix of shame at getting my ass kicked by my wife at anything sports-related, guilt at the splash of sexism inherent in this position, and excitement at the more than 200 dollars she won, which is as much to my benefit as it is to hers. The lesson here is not to create a situation where there is no win for you, which basically precludes sports gambling with your wife. This is probably obvious to most people, but I guess I’m a moron.

This year, I sort of got roped into a second bracket, as I was pressured into playing with the people in the office where I actually work. At this point I decided to be Mr. Clever, ensuring that I was doubling down on future misery. Because I had picked Kentucky to win it all in the real estate pool, where my wife is again playing and picked Michigan State, I decided to switch my pick and go with Michigan State in my office pool. I figured we might even have a shot at winning both. In my mind, I was already rolling around in those two huge piles of delicious cash.  And things were actually looking pretty good, right up until Louisville made Michigan State look like a high school team.

Ordinarily I love upsets, especially in college basketball. I love them enough, and I love the Tournament so much, that I’ll even celebrate my own picks being wrong in exchange for the thrill of laughing at Duke for tanking against Lehigh. (I’m pretty sure I’ve already explained that I’m a bad person.) The only exception to this is, as I mentioned above, losing to my wife. There are no upsets that make losing to your spouse okay, no matter how great.

At this point, you’re probably wondering why I’m pissed, right? Michigan State lost, so even though my wife and I can’t take both pools, my Kentucky pick is still alive, and I get to feel superior to my wife. But of course life never works out like that. Of course the guy (Raphael) who convinced me to play at work picked Kentucky, and barring a minor miracle will be kicking my ass in our pool. And of course Raphael ALSO knows absolutely nothing about college basketball, and decided to fill out a bracket less than 15 minutes before they were due. In fact, he complained about how long it was taking, and bitched at me because I didn’t tell him about Yahoo’s auto-fill options. At the time I actually laughed at that, and now it makes me want to stab him at his desk.

So what’s the moral here? There isn’t one. Bracketology sucks, Raphael sucks (and may get left at a gas station on the drive over to Seattle today), and college basketball is actively conspiring to ruin my life. Burn in hell, Bracketology. Burn. In. Hell.

Pepper

3/26/2012

• John Calipari and Rick Pitino are not the same person. Honest to God, I had no idea.

Can you tell them apart?

• My alma mater lost in the Elite 8 this weekend. It wasn’t that they lost, but that they got totally handled. After the first period, it wasn’t close. Even after pulling their goalie for the last three minutes, the soon-to-not-be-the-Sioux couldn’t put together a decent shot. Good on the Gophers, who were humiliated on their own ice a couple weeks ago when we scored six unanswered against them on the way to the Broadmoor Trophy. The Gophers advance to the Frozen Four to face top-seeded Boston College. On the other side of the bracket, Union will face Ferris State. That’s two very storied franchises playing for a trip to the finals (for those of you who don’t believe/know that college hockey is a real thing, it would be like Duke playing Kansas) to face one of two teams playing in the finals for the first time (Lehigh playing Norfolk St.). Dear NCAA Hockey: You might want to spread those power teams across the brackets next year.*

• I’ll be staying up until the wee hours to watch the Mariners play the A’s in Japan for the first MLB game of the season. I believe it begins at 2 in the morning. I teach seven hours later. That should be a good class.

• The NFL is almost comically negligent in how it treats player injuries. Especially concussions. Justin Morneau had a not-ridiculously-serious concussion. Not the sort of concussion you get it you smash your helmet into another helmeted head while both of you are moving at a rapid pace and are both among the strongest men on the planet. He was out for over a year. NFL quarterbacks are back in the same game, or at most, they take a week off. And that’s just the quarterbacks. I would guess that every NFL player gets concussed every season. At least mildly. And teams just keep running the dudes back out there. We praise a player’s toughness. We say nothing of the stupidity of such behavior, nor anything about the teams that treat their players as a commodity, to be used until broken, and then replaced. Like lightbulbs. It would be comical if we weren’t talking about actual humans. “They get paid really well.” “It’s a free country, they can do something less dangerous if they want to.” Yep. True. No less idiotic, but true. I don’t know how I got on this tangent.

• Tiger Woods won at Bay Hill, ending a 2+ year winless slump, during which he lost pretty much everything: wife, house, kids, reputation, game. I’m not sure why nonracists root against Tiger Woods, but it has something to do with his on- and off-course demeanor. He isn’t like Phil. He hates the media. He doesn’t joke around. I wouldn’t want to have a beer with the guy. He’s prickly. Some kid fainted during his swing, and the kid’s mother screamed, causing Tiger to hit a drive pretty much identical to every drive I’ve ever hit, and Tiger didn’t ask if the kid was okay during his press conference. Tiger’s a petulant child, who drops his club, yells, pumps his fist when things are going well, blah blah blah. Tiger Woods is a pro golfer, people. His only job is to win, and he’s been programmed since birth to do so. He’s the Todd Marinovich of golf, only he managed to hold it together for longer, and get addicted to sex rather than drugs. Tiger reminds me of a lot of the really great writers or artists. They are so singularly focused on their craft, that they don’t give much of a shit about anything but the thing that they do better than anyone else on the planet. And for the most part, they are terrible people. Drunks, long lines of failed marriages, mean-spirited, abusive. But they produce great art. And so does Tiger. It always amuses me when society creates monsters, and then indicts the monsters for having been created to be such good monsters.

• I shouldn’t write these after I teach Writing I. I apparently hate society after I teach Writing I.

• The NFL was not too hard on Gregg Williams, Sean Payton, or the Saints organization. Isn’t the sport violent enough? Do they really need to pay the players extra for hurting their opponents? Why couldn’t someone have hurt Hines Ward a long time ago? Anyway, I imagine this isn’t the only head-hunting program in the NFL. I imagine it’s one of 32. But like SMU, the Saints were the ones who got caught, and the punishment is severe. Coach gone for a year, assistants gone for six games. Gregg Williams gone indefinitely (I can’t imagine he’s out of football more than a season). Organization loses draft picks. Too severe for something that probably occurs across the league? As long as the league pretends that it is concerned for the safety of it’s players, no.

*for more on the bungling of this year’s post-season college hockey coverage and the tournament in general, see Ashley’s comment, which is sure to appear below any time now.

How’s That Bold Pick Working Out for You?

In case you hadn’t heard, baseball has been ruined this year (I swear to God there will be more on this later, when my wrath has cooled to a coherent level). But my good mood has been restored by the gluttonous amount of NCAA Tournament basketball I get to watch. And what makes makes any sporting event that much better? That’s right, two things: gambling and talking shit. (Yes, you could probably add food and drink to that list, but I discount them on the basis that they make pretty much everything better.) This is why brackets were invented, and this is why March Madness is the greatest playoff in any sport at any level.

A few years ago, I correctly picked North Carolina to win it all. A friend of mine then mentioned this to someone at work. “Oh, that’s a real bold pick,” the guy said with obvious sarcasm. This is an attitude that seems to be common, and it blows my mind. Since when did boldness for its own sake become a virtue? A bold pick is only impressive when it’s correct. Any asshole can make a bold pick. The point isn’t to be bold; it’s to be right, and then rub everyone’s nose in how right you were, the way God intended. Hell, I live in Spokane, and I could pick Gonzaga to win it all every year. That would be bold. It would also be fucking stupid, because they suck more or less every year. To be fair to Gonzaga, I’m kind of bitter about picking against them and then watching them beat the piss out of West Virginia (stupid Zags can’t even lose right). Anyway, my point is that making a bold pick is as easy as lighting money on fire, which you might as well do if you’re going to pay for a bracket and then fill it up with idiotically bold picks. In fact, lighting the money on fire would be the better option since at least there would be pretty colors to look at for a few seconds. Don’t be bold. Be right. And then be smug.

Take heart, faithful readers. This marks my true return to the world of blogging. I don’t say this out of any newly discovered discipline, but rather the knowledge that when my bracket goes all to shit, I’m going to need a place to rant about it. And if when my wife beats me at this (again), I will need a place to swear profusely. I’m counting on all (five) of you to be there for me.