Shame, Shame, Shame.

Sporting events aren’t just a time for fans to cheer on their favorite team. They’re also a time for fans to spend a few hours being absolutely nuts together about said team. We have tailgating, the wave (love it or hate it), cheers and chants, and tons of other ways fans can collectively show their support for a team.

One way that has gained popularity in recent years are the various versions of a whiteout. Professional clubs are often able to provide the same shirt for their fans, draping them over the arena seats for fans to put on when they find their places. We now see blackouts, green-outs, blue-outs, and whatever other colors are team-appropriate.

College and high school teams, not always having the funding to provide shirts for fans, usually rely on the fans to dress according to the game night’s theme. Well, last night a few kids took that trust a little too far. Right now, the boys’ high school hockey state tournament is going on in Grand Forks, ND. Last night one of the local teams, Grand Forks Red River, was taking on Fargo Davies at the Ralph Engelstad Arena. To show their support for their Roughriders, the Red River student section went for a whiteout.

Students showed up in white clothes, white face paint, and several even bleached their hair (which typically comes out more yellow than white, but the attempt was there). Hockey is huge in eastern North Dakota, and these kids were itching to out-cheer the Fargo Davies fans. Among the sea of white-clad Roughriders, though, were a few kids who ended up casting a shadow over everyone else.

These three idiots ended up giving the entire student section a bad name that only they deserved.

Yeah, you’re seeing that right. It would appear that three students in the Red River cheering section chose to dress up as members of the Ku Klux Klan, complete with white hoods.

Todd Olson, athletic director for Fargo Public Schools, was quoted as saying that people are “looking for something that is not there,” because at a whiteout, all white clothing is generally accepted. I’m not sure about anyone else, but I’m looking at that picture, and I’m pretty sure that what I’m seeing is there.

These three students, whose names, if known, haven’t been released in the paper, had to have known what they were doing. Put it this way: if they had just wanted to be completely covered in a white bedsheet, most people would simply cut eyeholes and walk around looking like Casper, the hockey-crazed ghost. These kids instead chose to fashion robes and hoods that look strikingly similar to what members of the KKK wear. It’s not a design that a person dreams up and thinks it’ll look good. It’s an iconic, though terrible, part of American history that virtually every American is aware of. Especially teenagers still in school, taking history classes of some sort nearly every year.

Were they aware of the additional ramifications of pulling this stunt during Black History Month? It’s hard to say. It is likely they knew what month it is, though; it’s hard to imagine a school not having a display or bulletin board regarding Black History Month. Did they know that the man their opponents’ school is named for, Ronald Davies, was a federal judge temporarily assigned to Little Rock who oversaw the integration of the Little Rock Nine into Central High School in 1957? Probably not, considering he served the remainder of his career as a federal judge in Fargo, ND, until 1996, which was before most of these students were born. At least I hope they weren’t aware of it; if they were, then their actions are even more insensitive than I originally thought.

Let’s face it: whatever their motivations were for deciding to dress like the KKK, their actions are inexcusable. They put a dark stain on an otherwise fun night because all anyone has been talking about are these three ridiculous teens rather than the game that went on. It is the state tournament after all; Red River won and got a berth in tonight’s title game against Grafton-Park River. You have to click through a few screens on the Grand Forks Herald website to find out the results of last night’s game though; the front page is dedicated to the three fools in the student section.

For thinking whatever the hell it was they were thinking, these three have earned my Dumbass of the Week award.

Congrats, Idiots.

Kaepernicking? This is All Your Fault, Tim.

If there’s anything football has cornered the market on in sports, it’s memes. I’m not sure if it’s the larger rosters, the bigger egos, or the higher likelihood that those who play football will do something stupid worth remembering, but we’ve seen a whole slew of memes based upon the idiocy of football players.

We’ve gone from this…

At first it was nice to see his dedication…then it became a meme and shit just exploded.

To this…

It’s way more legit when The Truth does it.

And then…well suddenly it was everywhere…

Apparently, when Lindsey Vonn Tebows, it actually works and she wins.

At that point, Tebow’s commitment to his faith almost became a mockery when he (or at least his reps) filed a copyright request for Tebowing in October of last year. The goal was not to keep others from Tebowing, apparently; it was more to ensure that the hundreds of Tebowing-related products that have flooded the market since the craze began sent some cash Tebow’s way. Probably not a bad idea, to be honest. His reps must’ve had some sort of voodoo-psychic premonition about his career path and realized he would need to supplement his income in some way.

Now that Tebowing has died down, much like Tebow’s usability on an NFL roster, a new meme has taken over the Internet: Kaepernicking. Yes, you read that right..or wrong…or…well it’s certainly not phonetic. Whatever it is, it definitely doesn’t sound like something that should happen in public. Turns out, it’s Colin Kaepernick’s touchdown celebration. You know, the one where he kisses each bicep?

Yeah…that one.

Well, his Wolf Pack faithful back at the University of Nevada are on board with anything their most recent famous alum does:

Pucker up, kiddies.

So far, Kaepernicking hasn’t skyrocketed to the level of national attention that Tebowing did, but it isn’t for want of trying. 49ers fans have ridden that celebration all the way to the Super Bowl, and just as with Tebowing, plenty of t-shirts and other merchandise are making their way out to the public. The craze hasn’t moved far beyond the San Francisco/U Nevada fan bases yet, but Kaepernick’s powers that be are working on that as we speak.

It seems the talk earlier in the season about Kaepernick’s tattoos making him look like a “prison inmate” has been spun into all the positive press his handlers can manage. His parents, his reps, and Colin himself turned out in full force to explain that his tattoos are mostly faith-based, and the original columnist who made the comments was quickly raked over the coals for stereotyping and simple stupidity. If it had all ended there, I think it would’ve been fine. Hell, most of my tattoos are faith-based; I totally get Kaepernick’s desire to wear his faith on his body.

Unfortunately, the sudden press seems to have had Kaepernick and his reps wanting more. According to CBS Sports, Kaepernick didn’t even start “kissing” his biceps until after that story ran (let’s be honest…it’s not really kissing when his facemask is in the way). The motive seemed to be, “If you’re going to bad mouth my ink, then I’m going to shove them in your face.” It was at this point that all the merchandise started appearing. Taking a page out of Tebow’s book (a bad idea if there ever was one), Kaepernick’s crew has started the process for copyrighting the image of Kaepernicking.

First of all, trademarking anything related to an internet meme is ridiculous. Memes burn bright and fast for a very short period of time. Take a look at Tebowing: we rarely hear or see anything about it anymore. Whether that’s because the Jets don’t have anything (or maybe they have way too much) to Tebow for, or because Tebow doesn’t Tebow unless he gets his snaps is difficult to say. Either way, the move to make money off of the pose he uses to pray is just insane.

Kaepernick’s decision to trademark the bicep kiss touchdown celebration is even more ludicrous than Tebowing, if you can believe it. Whatever we may think of Tebowing now, his reason for doing it was genuine, and it’s hard to argue with authenticity. Kaepernick, on the other hand, did it just to do it. Now that people are kind of talking about it and some are mimicking it and taking pictures, he wants to turn it into a cash cow.

For thinking he gets to make money off of a move he didn’t even invent, Kaepernick gets this week’s Dumbass of the Week award. Oh, and for putting it in Kaepernick’s head that this idea was a good one, Tebow gets honorable mention. Hey, Tim! You won something…in January!

The Ol’ Switcheroo…Or Just Plain Cheating?

This week’s Dumbass of the Week post has a slight twist. It comes to us from the December 29th matchup of the Kentucky Wildcats and the Louisville Cardinals men’s basketball teams. In a two-week stretch utterly dominated by the winding down of the NFL regular season, the gauntlet of “the Saints need to win; the Vikings, Seahawks, and Patriots need to lose; and the Raiders and Packers need to tie (but can’t tie each other) in order for the Los Angeles Clippers to make the playoffs and the Boston Bruins to get a first round bye,” the always-hyped NBA Christmas schedule, and the starting up of the BCS bowl game season (Belk Bowl or Beef ‘O’Brady Bowl anyone?), I figured a college basketball game might allow us a bit of a respite from the storylines dominating the airwaves lately.

And oh what a weird moment this is…

Did you catch that? It happens pretty fast, so here’s a rundown:

Right at the start of the clip, you can see Kentucky’s Alex Poythress on the low block looking for an open man while Louisville’s Russ Smith is all over Nerlens Noel (#3) in the middle of the lane. Literally one or two seconds into the action, you see play stop as a ref on the near side of the court whistles a foul ultimately called on Russ Smith. It stands to reason that Smith, who was still mostly behind Noel when the foul was called, is guilty of committing that foul on Noel, likely for reaching in and swatting at Noel’s hand or arm rather than successfully making contact with the ball to deflect the pass.

Noel moves to the shooting position at the free throw line while players congratulate him on being the lucky guy on whom the rules were broken. Then, as Rick Pitino utilizes the stoppage in action as he always does by yelling at his players (first at Smith for fouling, then at another player for not being where he should’ve been), there appears to be a bit of communicating coming from the Kentucky bench at the far end of the floor. First Poythress is listening to them from his spot next to Noel before he moves into his rebounding spot. Then, Noel takes a few steps away from the free throw line to the arc to listen to Calipari on the bench. As soon as he does this, Poythress slides over to the free throw line, Noel moves to the rebounding position, and Poythress takes the foul shots.

Watch the video one more time.

It appears that Poythress tosses the ball toward Noel in order to avoid the defenders trying to get between them, and his left hand is near his left hip (the one closest to Noel and Smith–this will be important in a few minutes). The moment the ball is in Noel’s hands, the ref whistles the foul and indicates that the one at fault is Russ Smith. At about the fifteen second mark, you see a brief glimpse of the Kentucky bench talking to the referee on the far side of the court (not the same one who made the initial call). The apparent result of this conversation is the successful convincing of said ref that Poythress should be the one taking the free throws. If you look at the pieces, this whole situation seems justifiable.

1. Smith tries to deflect a pass from Poythress to Noel to create a turnover and makes contact with an opposing player’s arm.
2. Referee A calls a foul on Smith, and Noel, having been the player guarded by Smith, goes to the line.
3. The Kentucky bench successfully argues that Poythress should be the one taking the free throws.
4. Referee B agrees with Coach Cal’s bench and Poythress sinks 1 of 2 attempts.

Of course, nothing about this game happens in pieces, so we also have to take the following into consideration:

1. Smith’s left hand is on Noel’s left hip when the play unfolds, leaving his reach very limited since he had to go around Noel (at a formidable 6’11” compared to Smith’s 6’0″) in order to get to the ball. With Poythress seemingly not making contact with Noel himself, it seems difficult to believe (read: close to physically unfeasible) that Smith would be able to get around Noel to reach Poythress. Despite the change in free throw shooters, though, the official boxscore still lists Smith as the guilty party.
2. Referee A calls the foul from behind the play, an angle from which he wouldn’t be able to see much of the play. In all honesty, this is probably the least hinky part of the whole situation. Refs calling fouls from bad angles is kind of the norm in basketball. What’s key in this portion of the play is the fact that, in regards to fouls and free throws, basketball players tend to “police” themselves to a certain degree. If you’re being closely guarded by an opponent, and that opponent is called for a foul just after making contact with you, the safe and logical assumption is that you should be the one taking the shots. Considering the fact that taking the free throws for a foul not committed against you is illegal within the rules of basketball, players aren’t going to go out of their way to attempt to do just that. It seems fair to conclude that Noel going to the line means that Noel felt Smith make contact with him. The other important point? The fact that Poythress goes to the rebounding position without argument or complaint seems to indicate he knew the foul hadn’t been committed against him.
3. The Kentucky bench is at the far end of the floor. How would they have had a better view of the play from all the way down there? Referee B was on the far side of the court, but he was closer to the play than Cal’s staff, and he wasn’t even the one to indicate that a foul occurred. Calipari either has a way with words or a really intimidating presence to have that ref believing that someone other than Noel should be taking those shots.
4. Now, when Referee B agrees with the Kentucky bench, he seems to make the executive decision to change the player at the free throw line. I’ll be the first to admit that, while a lifelong fan of basketball, I’m not intimately familiar with every nook and cranny of the NCAA rule book for basketball. That being said, though, I find it odd that in making that decision, he consulted no one. Referee A makes the call and doesn’t correct Noel when he initially steps up to the line. Referee B changes the player at the line and doesn’t at all appear to confer with the rest of the officiating crew. Hell, from the limited views you get in the clip, he doesn’t even seem to talk to the players themselves.

Let me say this: I’m not saying they got it right or wrong. Simply put, I can’t say for certain who exactly was fouled because we have about the same angle as Referee A: behind the play with no clear line of sight to the ball. What I am saying is that this whole situation seems 50 shades of sketchy (yeah…that just happened). Let’s be honest: it involves John Calipari, however peripherally. He is the only coach who has been successful in technically not taking two separate college programs to the Final Four. That takes an impressive level of commitment. This moment didn’t get much coverage, presumably because of the aforementioned hype in other sports, but it’s weird enough that it warranted a discussion. Speaking of, let’s hear what our Poor Sports readers have to say. What’s your take on how this all played out?

**I know the bulk of this post is dedicated to this odd moment in an otherwise forgotten Kentucky-Louisville game, but I’ve not forgotten the other oddities that happened this week. Here’s a quick rundown of those who have definitely earned a Dumbass mention**

• Rex Ryan: It just came out today that Ryan, the oft-mocked head coach of the NY Jets, has a tattoo. Not strange. That tattoo is of his wife. Also, not strange. His wife appears to be Tebowing (to some degree) while wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey (and nothing else), in said tattoo. Strange? Unbelievably. Skeevy? Undeniably. Could we have gone the rest of our lives without this knowledge? Let’s just say I’ll never be able to un-see the image of the tattoo featured in ESPN’s “Breaking News” coverage of the story (no lie: this was actually listed as breaking news on ESPN’s Bottom Line today). If I were Mark Sanchez, I think I’d be asking to be anywhere other than NY at this point.
• The Outback Bowl took a turn for the “what are you blind?!” on New Year’s Day when an official clearly blew the easiest call he probably made all day. Michigan was going for a first down against South Carolina when the head ref brought the chains out. Despite there being a clear gap between the football and the marker, he ruled the play a first down for Michigan. Let’s just say that Steve Spurrier almost lost his visor over the call. The upside? Jadeveon Clowney, a defensive end for South Carolina, responded with this in the play immediately after that call. It’s clean; it’s hard; and it reminds us all just why we love the sport of football. Enjoy:

• Then there was the fight between fans of the Oakland Raiders and San Diego Chargers on Sunday during their teams’ completely irrelevant, totally unimportant game that resulted in an entire section of the Coliseum being kicked out of the stadium. Deadspin has a couple of stories about it, but really, you just need to see the one that has the pictures and video. I’m not sure whether I should be in awe of or saddened by these fans’ total commitment to two teams that are…well, just awful.

And that, my friends, is entry number one in the race for Dumbass of the Year 2013. We can only hope that every entry from here on out is just as entertaining.

2012: A Retrospective of Stupidity, Part 2

Yesterday I went through the first half of my Top 10 Dumbasses of the Year countdown, and it was an enjoyable walk down memory lane. There were laughs, tears (of laughter), and breath-stealing moments (from laughing so hard). It’s good to remind ourselves of just how stupid some athletes can be and have been. It simultaneously allows us to congratulate them for not having been that dumb lately while looking forward to their inevitable return to the Dumbass lists since they’ve already shown they have the potential to hang with the big dogs.

Once the list has been rounded out, I’m sure there will be some debates over who ended up where or who didn’t get an invitation to the party. Let’s hear them! If you think there was another Dumbass of the Week winner who was snubbed, go ahead and campaign for them in the comments section below. If you feel that someone who made the list was too high or low, let me know where you think they should’ve been ranked. I’m interested to see what our readers think about the final product. So what do you say we get this show on the road and count our way down to the inaugural Dumbass of the Year winner? I thought so!

5. NDSU/UND (September 8th & 22nd Winners): September seemed to be a bad month for college athletes in North Dakota. First up were the several current and former NDSU football players who were accused of forging a number of petitions being circulated to get measures on the state ballot in November. Not only did these men break the law, they now also face up to a $2000 fine and a year in prison, and beyond that two measures were pulled from the ballot because too many signatures were considered fraudulent. The people who had spent countless hours gathering the 10,000+ signatures necessary to have a measure voted on must now start that process all over again in hopes of getting their measures included on the next ballot. Is it the worst crime ever? Of course not, but it certainly doesn’t help their image, their criminal records, or the team’s reputation. Next we have the UND men’s hockey team and the completely ill-advised party they threw that left a couple of players in medical danger, several players in legal trouble, and the team on tight restrictions meant to keep them in line. Yes, underage drinking is against the law, but it does happen. Yes, drinking alcohol on a dry campus is against the rules, but it does happen. Yes, it’s unfair that college athletes seem to be put on a pedestal, but it does happen. UND’s hockey team learned the hard way that none of those reasons are justifications for (at the very least) risking their future careers or (above all) endangering the lives of some of their players.

4. Lane Kiffin (November 10th Winner): The second Dumbass post of November was a celebration of all that is Lane Kiffin’s ridiculously terrible notion of “legal and logical.” He earned the award after a USC football student manager was caught deflating footballs on the sideline during the Trojans’ game against Oregon on November 3. Kiffin would have us believe that the student acted on his own, but considering the résumé of idiocy he’s put together, it’s hard to believe him whenever he opens his mouth. Let’s see…leveling a false accusation of an NCAA violation against Urban Meyer…leaving Tennessee in a way that had the bridge burning almost before he was across it…claiming he wouldn’t vote USC #1 in the preseason poll after doing just that…disallowing visiting team walk-throughs right before a game against a former staff member…switching a player’s number halfway through a game. Let’s just say that the ball deflation was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. That whistling sound you hear? No, it’s not the sound of air being let out of a football; it’s the sound of the hot air escaping Lane Kiffin’s head whenever he opens his mouth.

3. Women’s Olympic Badminton (August 4th Winner): A black cloud settled over the 2012 Summer Olympics in London when several women’s badminton teams were outed as having thrown their matches. The newly unveiled pool play set up in this summer’s Games were intended to give all the qualifying teams more games than they had in prior Olympics. When a Dutch team unexpectedly won, four other teams decided that it was better to throw their matches than to possibly face one of the Chinese teams in the semifinals. Whether it was a collective decision or these four teams all happened to come to this decision independently is irrelevant; the only fact that matters is that one team from Indonesia, the other team from China, and both teams from South Korea all played in an obviously sub-par manner when compared to their previous tournaments. Doing so embarrassed them, their countries, and their sport in general, not to mention it was an undeniable slap in the face to the other athletes. The women were ultimately ejected from the tournament for “not using best efforts” and  “conducting oneself in a manner that is clearly abusive or detrimental to the sport.” Kudos to the IOC for their swift and decisive reaction, and a slap to the back of the head for all the idiots involved in this scandal.

2. David Stern (December 1st Winner): This is where the countdown got tricky. A very serious argument can be (and probably will be) made for Stern being Dumbass of the Year following his ridiculous butting in on how Gregg Popovich runs the San Antonio Spurs. When the Spurs made their one trip to Miami this season for a game against the Heat, Pop decided not only to sit Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and Danny Green for the game, he sent them home to San Antonio. Stern reacted before the game even started, saying that the Spurs would be facing heavy sanctions for their actions. No one really knew what that would involve, but it quickly became apparent that Stern had his “Mr. Serious” pants on when he hit the Spurs organization with a $250,000 fine. He felt that the Spurs had done a “disservice to the league and [its] fans.” Apparently Stern lives in a vacuum in which San Antonio’s four-road-games-in-five-nights schedule at the end of November didn’t actually exist, and even if it did, the league’s TV interests should always take precedence. The Spurs paid the fine and moved on because that’s how they operate: they exist to play basketball, and Pop doesn’t concern himself with ridiculous bullshit that is completely irrelevant to his strategy for success. That’s right. In the world of Gregg Popovich, David Stern + Big Fines for Stupid Shit = You Aren’t Even On My Radar.

And now, the winner of the first Dumbass of the Year Award….

1. Tom Herrion (January 20th Winner): If your first reaction was, “Um, who?” then don’t worry. It’s not a name most people would know, but his actions during the mid-January basketball match-up between his Marshall Thundering Herd and the Central Florida Knights have earned him this award. Coming up on halftime, UCF guard Jimmy Sykes was running down the sideline while a teammate brought the ball down the court when his elbow made nearly negligible contact with Herrion’s chest. It’s the kind of contact that’s bound to happen from time to time when coaches walk up and down the sideline that close to the action. There was no intent on the part of Sykes, and why would there be? Hitting the head coach of the opposing team offers absolutely no advantage at all. Herrion, though, decided that his team needed his help and not in the form of drawing up plays. His contribution to his team’s effort was to fall to the floor and writhe around as though he was suffering from a serious heart attack. The result of this idiotic choice was a fifteen minute game delay in which the refs watched replays of the incident. In the end, Sykes was called for a flagrant foul despite the complete lack of any kind of intent, much less the malicious kind. After the game, Herrion seemed to realize the flaw in his plan as he called it a “non-story” and otherwise refused to acknowledge it happened when faced with media scrutiny.

Sure, Stern slapped the Spurs with a quarter of a million dollar fine (they could easily afford it), but Herrion faked a serious medical event in front of thousands of people. He apparently gave no thought to the fact that his players, the fans, and anyone else watching (like, maybe his family?) could end up thinking he was actually in danger down on the court. That’s the kind of adrenaline rush that isn’t going to do anyone any good. And not only did Sykes end up getting tagged with a flagrant foul, it would seem that there was no resulting punishment for Herrion from the school, the conference, or the NCAA for faking a heart attack. Seems to me that if a player were caught faking an injury, the NCAA would reprimand someone (whether that person would be the player or the coach depends on the situation, I suppose). Yet somehow this little nugget slipped right on by without any punishment at all.

For thinking that a fake heart attack was the right decision in any situation at all, Tom Herrion has earned the first Dumbass of the Year Award. Future weekly Dumbass winners, the gauntlet has been thrown. We at The Poor Sports don’t condone stupidity, but we certainly enjoy it when it happens. Keep the tomfoolery flowing, Idiots.

2012: A Retrospective of Stupidity, Part 1

Looking back on the almost-full-year of blogging we’ve done here at The Poor Sports, I’ve realized just how much idiocy was wandering around unsupervised in the realm of sports during 2012. Not only was there not a level-headed, legal adult nearby to try to limit the stupidity as much as possible, it was all different kinds of stupidity: I-have-n0-shame ignorance, I’ve-forgotten-the-rules nonsense, and I-can’t-watch-my-mouth-because-it’s-on-my-face absurdity, among others.

In the wake of the apocalypse fail, let’s celebrate the closing of 2012 with a year-in-review rewind of my Top 10 Dumbass Moments. Anyone who’s regularly followed The Poor Sports knows there were a ton of Dumbass of the Week posts, so there was a deep well of awesomeness from which to choose this list. I’ll be posting the first half of the countdown tonight, and the remainder will be up tomorrow, so make sure you check back to share in the memories of the dumbest of dumbasses.

On with the first half!

10. Joe Girardi (October 26th Winner): During Game 1 of the ALCS against the Detroit Tigers, the Yankees skipper opted to finally pull A-Rod, his third baseman, out of the game following a complete lack of production that surprised, well, no one. Typically benching a player is a coach or manager’s best tool for clearly indicating to that player that he needs to up his game or the team will move forward without his help. Apparently Girardi figured that A-Rod wouldn’t realize he was no longer being used in the line-up when he was told to stay seated rather than take his turn at the plate. Or that he wouldn’t notice he was still in the dugout when the rest of the team took the field for the top of the next inning. In fact, Girardi wanted to keep his substitution of Eric Chavez such a closely-guarded secret from Rodriguez that he called the public address announcer from the dugout and told him not to indicate the substitution in announcing Chavez’s at-bat. It must’ve worked too, because A-Rod chose to spend his time flirting with a woman in the stands rather than watching the game. Someone should let Girardi know that he’s so good at keeping secrets that A-Rod probably still doesn’t realize he was benched during that game, which is why he still hasn’t remembered which end of the bat he’s supposed to hold.

9. Metta World Peace (April 27th Winner): He who is known as World Peace has yet to live up to his name. Every once in a while it seems Metta feels some sort of implied insult to his masculinity has been issued and determines that the best way to make everything “right” in his world again is to show everyone what he thinks a real man does. What does a “real man” do, you ask? Throw unnecessary elbows into one of the best beards in professional sports. Oklahoma City’s James Harden took a fierce hit to the side of the head and went down hard. World Peace was tossed from the game with a flagrant 2 foul, and Harden took a minute or two to make sure his eyes were still facing the right way. Ouch. World Peace earns a spot on the countdown both for his pattern of behavior (Malice in the Palace anyone?) and for his attempts to explain his way out of punishment by having Ramon Sessions back him up when telling the ref his side of the story.

Reacting this way to being ejected for elbowing a man in the head is also a good way to earn yourself a special spot on this countdown. Careful man…it could freeze that way.

8. Melky Cabrera (August 24th Winner): Anymore, it seems like announcements of positive PED tests in the realm of professional sports have become almost blasé. It’s barely treated as breaking news anymore on ESPN. It takes quite a bit of creativity to stand out from the crowd of PED-using cheaters these days, and Melky Cabrera took that as a challenge. When it first came to light that Cabrera had tested positive for a synthetic testosterone substance, the story seemed as normal as a professional-athlete-got-caught-cheating story can be. Things took a turn for the loopy, though, with the introduction of a consultant named Juan Nunez who reportedly spent $10k to create a fake website meant to convince MLB that Cabrera had ordered a supplement and legitimately not known it contained a banned substance. The league quickly realized the website wasn’t real and handed down the standard 50-game suspension for a first time offender. Needless to say, Cabrera learned two lessons: cheating isn’t worth it and lying about cheating just makes you look stupid.

7. US Track & Field (June 29th Winner): The Olympic Trials for track and field took on a life of their own during the women’s 100m finals. The top three finishers qualified to represent the US in London. Simple enough, right? Apparently not. Jeneba Tarmoh and Allyson Felix tied for the third spot, putting the two women as well as the sport’s governing body in an odd spot. Under the current rules of UST&F, a tie in a race that determines the seeding of a future race is settled either by a run-off or a coin flip. The athletes involved in the tie (mostly) determine which option is used. If both athletes choose the same option, that’s the tie-breaking method used. If the athletes choose different options, the tie is settled with a run-off. If they refuse to choose, a coin flip is used.  Congrats to UST&F for having a tie-breaking contingency in place, but it seems to me that a time-based sport should have only one contingency: a race. Coin flips should be left to football officials determining possession and college students trying to figure out which fast food restaurant to hit up after closing down the bars.

6. Jim Schwartz (November 24th winner): Thanksgiving is a time for family, food, and football, and everyone has their traditions. One of the NFL’s traditions is a game in Detroit each year, and this year the Lions were unable to pull out the win (maybe not that surprising considering their past few seasons). How they lost, though, was more surprising. During the third quarter, the Texans ran the ball in for a TD that, under the current rules, would’ve been automatically reviewed and brought back since Houston’s RB was actually down on the far side of the 50-yard line. Unfortunately, Schwartz decided that the replay refs needed to be reminded they should be reviewing the play and threw his challenge flag. The appearance of that red flag automatically negated the review and awarded the Texans six points they shouldn’t have had…at least not on that play. Is it a questionable rule? Obviously, yes. It flies in the face of a coach’s instinct upon seeing what appears to be a bad call, and Schwartz fell victim to it only a week after Atlanta’s Mike Smith did the same thing (though his team managed a win). Is it still a rule? Yes, and Schwartz broke it. Instinct or not, he should be aware of the situations in which a coach is not allowed to challenge, especially one week after another coach lost an automatic review because he threw his red flag.

Check back in tomorrow for numbers 5 through 1!

Cause and Effect: Superstitions vs. Suspensions

Everyone has their superstitions, and professional athletes (hell, athletes at any level) are not immune. In fact, as a group, athletes are probably among the most superstitious people on the planet. Little known MLB-er Kevin Rhomberg had the unique quirk of needing to touch someone if they touched him. Needless to say that once other players realized this they went from grown men making bank playing a game for a living to eleven-year-old boys playing on a sandlot for fun. Reports are that players would touch him and then bolt just to see how he’d react (it wasn’t good). The night before a game, Jason Terry wears a pair of shorts from the opposing team while he sleeps. He’s apparently got quite a network of connections with equipment managers in the NBA who are willing to hook him up with the right threads. Jason Giambi has an odd way of breaking up a hitting slump: he puts on a gold thong. I’m not entirely certain what the correlation is between wearing shiny, permanent-wedgie underwear and getting a hit, but it allegedly worked well enough that some teammates have reportedly borrowed them to break their own slumps (I’m slightly skeeved right now). Michael Jordan wore his UNC basketball shorts under his NBA uniforms because he thought they would bring him a good game (as if he needed the help, right?). Surprisingly, there has been research to show that, to some degree, these rituals could actually help an athlete’s performance. I guess Mom was right about the power of positive thinking.

So what does all this talk about superstitious rituals have to do with this week’s Dumbass winner? Well, part of a professional athlete’s job, other than playing his particular position in his particular sport particularly well, is to be adaptable. Rosters are fluid and a guy needs to be able to find a way to work with new teammates, and quickly. Coaches change and a player has to figure out how he fits into a new system of play (ahem…Lakers). And when it comes to superstitions? Sometimes a guy just needs to be able to let it go, even if it’s just one time. Amir Johnson of the Toronto Raptors learned this the hard way Monday night in his game against the Portland Trailblazers.

I don’t think anyone is going to say that Johnson’s quirk is disruptive; in fact, I would go so far as to say that most people, including some of his fellow players, didn’t even realize he had a superstition. Now? Almost anyone who follows sports knows. Apparently, Johnson has to “rub the ball” between free throws before giving it to the ref. No, not his own free throws, because that would make too much sense. Anyone’s free throws. When the ball bounces his way after an attempt, it wouldn’t seem at all odd for him to snag the ball before handing it to the official to give back to the shooter. When the ball goes a different direction, Johnson’s need to touch it suddenly becomes out of place, and on Monday night the arena crew might as well have put a high-beam spotlight on him. Take a look:

Like I said, when you’re the one taking the free throws, getting your hands on the ball is expected. So are rituals. You bounce the ball three times, shift your weight from right to left and back again, spin the ball in your hands, locate the basket, take a deep breath, and shoot. It’s not disruptive unless it takes forever (or if you’re Shawn Marion…then it’s visually disruptive in all kinds of ways). Being your team’s first line of rebounding on the first of two shots means getting your hands on the ball is a fluke, not a necessity. Assuming that everyone should cater to the superstitions of a non-starting forward on a team called “the worst in the league” by teammate Andrea Bargnani? Downright laughable. You haven’t earned the right to “do you” yet, Amir.

So what came of his stupidity? After getting into an ill-advised tug-of-war with the official, Johnson let loose with some words that not only got him T’d up, it also got him tossed. In his commitment to his superstition (and his tantrum), he had to be held back by a couple of teammates and topped it all off by throwing his mouthguard at the ref as he was being led off court by Mickael Pietrus. In the end, Johnson got suspended for one game without pay (missing Wednesday’s home game against Brooklyn), and he just plain looks like a fool.

Just because you play in the NBA doesn’t mean you’re a superstar, Amir. You have to earn the right to be a diva, and you…well you’re just not anywhere near that. Next time, just take a deep breath and deal with the fact you don’t get to touch the ball. Either that or find a different superstition.

Congrats, Idiot.

Realities and Appearances: The Stern Debacle in a Nutshell

Anyone who has paid any attention to sports news for the last 48 hours probably saw this week’s Dumbass of the Week winner coming from a mile away. Thursday night, a fairly unassuming NBA game was scheduled: San Antonio at Miami. Yes it was nationally televised, but in all honesty it was a pretty low-key game on the schedule. Since 1999, these two teams have won a combined six NBA titles, but even though the Heat appear to be just getting started on more than 5, more than 6, more than 7, et cetera, the Spurs are getting older. Combine that with the fact that it was only late November, and really this game was pretty irrelevant.

Before the game, Spurs coach Gregg Popovich opted to rest Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and Danny Green, even going so far as to send them home (on a commercial flight–this particular piece of information has received a lot of attention, so I feel like it’s important that I include it, for whatever reason). Right around the time the game was set to start, NBA commissioner David Stern released a statement that said, in part, that the Spurs would be facing “substantial sanctions” for resting their four top players. My initial reaction was, “WHAAAT?” It’s not like resting his core players last night was a new move for Pop; it’s something he’s done on a semi-regular basis for a few years now. It’s a natural byproduct of an aging staff; a coach has to protect the ankles, knees, hips, and more of players who have been in the league as long as Pop’s core players have. Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili have all played in the league for more than ten years; that’s a lot of miles. Green not so much since he’s only 25, but he does lead the team in minutes played this season. When you add all of that to the fact the Spurs were on the tail end of road trip that included six games from November 21-29, it’s hard not to see reason when Pop says that resting these players was “best for the team.”

It was a move that really didn’t surprise anyone at all. Erik Spoelstra, head coach of the Heat, almost sounded like he had expected the decision in pre-game comments. He said it didn’t affect how his team prepared for the game at all, and heaven knows they had a lot of time to prepare. Last night was only the third game for the Heat since November 21, and their first since the previous Saturday (lopsided schedule at all?). That’s enough time to prepare for every possible permutation of the Spurs they could face. Spoelstra wasn’t at all miffed by Pop’s decision to send his best players home, and after the game LeBron seemed to echo that sentiment when he reminded everyone that it’s a coach’s prerogative to set a game roster as he sees fit for the team, and that even though the Spurs’ big names weren’t playing, all of the players are in the NBA for a reason: they play basketball well.

In other words, it doesn’t matter who they’re playing against in terms of specific teams or players; everyone in the NBA is a professional athlete because they’re better at what they do than most of the rest of the world’s population. Normally, most fans and analysts would take that statement as a diplomatic way to describe a suddenly “unarmed” opponent after crushing them on the court, but the Spurs’ nine remaining players (two others didn’t play because of injury) gave as good as they got on Thursday and forced Ray Allen to sink a three with a little less than 30 seconds left in the game in order for Miami to take the lead and eventually win 105-100. Does that mean the same undermanned Spurs roster would be able to do that again if faced with the same situation two months from now? Unlikely, but that’s irrelevant. It’s like my dad always says (often to my frustration when my team has just lost to a team I feel they should’ve beat): any team can beat any other team on any given day. It doesn’t matter if the Spurs nine-man roster would be able to hang with a firing-on-all-cylinders Heat team in January; all that matters is they did Thursday night.

Which brings us back to the crux of the issue: why did Stern feel that any of what happened yesterday deserved “substantial sanctions”? His initial announcement prior to Thursday’s game indicated that he felt Pop’s choice was the wrong way to run a team and a bad way to approach a game. His need to issue a preemptive apology to the NBA’s fans gave an early indication of just why he thought Pop was in the wrong: reputation and money (and not necessarily as tied to the NBA itself). Everyone knows that, during his tenure as commissioner, Stern has flaunted the league’s increased TV revenue as his biggest accomplishment and his lasting legacy. It seems to me that he took Pop’s decision to rest players during a nationally televised game as a personal insult to that legacy and felt that sanctions were the only way to punish him for doing so.

So, how did Stern decide to punish the Spurs? By slapping them with a $250,000 fine for doing “a disservice to the league and our fans.” Let’s start with the disservice to the league. Popovich had a team facing a tough schedule at the end of November, and a home game today against the Memphis Grizzlies, currently one of the best teams in the league. Of course, that’s not to say the Miami Heat aren’t, but Miami is a non-conference game for the Spurs, unlike Memphis who sits atop the Southwestern division, immediately ahead of San Antonio. Is it really all that hard to believe that Pop thought it best to let his top players rest heading into a home game against a division rival? The debate over resting players, admittedly with Popovich and his Spurs usually at the center, has been going on for some time, and despite there being precedent for consequences in the past (the Lakers in the 80s), that precedent was always for resting players preceding the playoffs. If we’re going to take that into consideration, though, then we have to look at the fact that the Cavaliers rested LeBron for four games straight at the end of his last got-into-the-playoffs season in Cleveland. No penalty.

In fact, Mike Brown’s decision to rest his star player prompted a board of governors discussion that week regarding the resting of healthy players, and according to Stern, “a number of teams thought [resting players] should be at the sole discretion of the team, the coach, the general manager, and I think it’s fair to say I agree with that, unless that discretion is abused.” So, resting a team’s best player for the final four games of the season isn’t abusing that discretion, but sitting four players for one game at the end of November is? I’m not sure I follow, yet.

Maybe we’ll figure it out in the “disservice to fans” portion of Stern’s statement. The understanding is that fans who pay to attend these games are paying to see the stars, and maybe some good basketball. I mean, forget the fact that, as LeBron said, they’re all professional basketball players; the important thing is whether or not the big name guys are on the floor. So, in the best interests of his team’s big picture, Pop sits his four core players that are his team’s big crowd draw as well. Stern feels as though not giving the fans a chance to see Duncan, Parker, Ginobili, and Green during San Antonio’s only trip to Miami was letting those fans down. Wait a minute though; the game was in Miami. It would seem to me that a vast majority of the people at that game are likely Miami fans, concerned more with seeing their big names rather than the Spurs’. Let’s face it: it’s not as if San Antonio has the huge national following that, say, the Lakers, Knicks, or Celtics have where a road game will still have a good number of their fans in the stands. San Antonio didn’t even have that kind of national following when they won four titles from 1998-2006 (which was more titles in that timeframe than any other team).

They are an under-the-radar, consistent, strong team that people sort of tend to forget about. They don’t have the flash of the Heat, the dominance of the Lakers, or the old-school vibe of the Celtics. They’re just…the Spurs, and they just play basketball. Good basketball. Turns out, their whole team plays good basketball, so even if the fans on Thursday night didn’t get to see the likes of Duncan and Ginobili, they still got to see a great game. That doesn’t seem like something worth getting $250K worth of pissed at, does it? Precedent doesn’t seem to say so. Last year, in an end of season matchup between two title contenders, Miami and Boston, I’m sure fans showed up in droves to see the big names that would be sharing the court that night. Instead, they watched the rest of the Heat and Celtics rosters play while LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Rondo, Garnett, and Allen all rested. Again, no penalties.

I still don’t follow.

I guess maybe we’re not supposed to understand because there’s nothing to understand. Stern overstepped his bounds as commissioner in penalizing a team on which a coach tries to set his own roster. Nearly everyone involved in the NBA in some way has come to Pop’s defense. Stephen A. (not always known for his coherent, reasonably presented opinions) said that Popovich is one coach he wouldn’t second guess when it comes to strategy. Shaq said that Pop did what he needed to do in order to stay on track with the team’s big picture. Doc Rivers said that a coach needs to do whatever he needs to do to win in the long run, and if that involves sitting players then that’s what you do. Hell, even Adam Silver (Stern’s heir apparent to the commissioner throne) said last year when Pop sat healthy players due to the lockout-bombed season, “Gregg Popovich in particular is probably the last coach I would second-guess.” If Stern thinks that coaches should have to determine their rosters according to his standards of what’s right and wrong (as well as when it’s right and wrong), then why do we even have coaches?

The only person, other than Stern, who seems completely out of step with what’s acceptable in this situation is ESPN’s Jalen Rose. As a former player, and a pretty decent analyst, I fully expected him to side with Popovich when I saw him and the NBA Countdown crew on last night’s SportsCenter. Instead, when asked by Michael Wilbon, he adamantly (and loudly) declared that Popvich’s allegiance is to the league first and his own team second. If that was how this league was set up, we’d have five teams made up of only All-Stars who played a two month season for records and ranking, followed by a one week tournament to determine a champion. It’d be all big names, all high-profile match-ups, all nationally televised games, and apparently everything Stern could ever want. Rose then stated that Pop’s actions were disrespectful to the Miami Heat and to the fans. I could only shake my head in disbelief, and then nod in agreement when Bill Simmons replied, “You want to talk about disrespectful, let’s talk about four games in five nights.”

Stern claimed his justification for this fine was the Spurs sending their top four home “without informing the Heat, the media, or the league office in a timely manner.” First, why should Popovich have to tell Spoelstra who he’s playing? All Spoelstra needed to know was that he was facing the Spurs, and as stated earlier, Spoelstra said the missing Spurs players didn’t affect how his team prepared. That means their presence wouldn’t have affected how the Heat prepared either. In other words, it didn’t matter to Spoelstra who was on the Spurs lineup. Then, in a telling twist, Stern lists the media as the second important body that Popovich should’ve notified. Again, why? The media is there to cover the game, and that’s it. They are not, at any level of play, on the list of “people who need to know” when a coach sets his roster for a game. Finally, at the end of Stern’s list was the league office. At this point, I guess the only other thing I can give you is this little tidbit straight from the NBA’s rulebook: “At least ten minutes before the game is scheduled to begin, the scorers shall be supplied with the name and number of each player who may participate in the game. Starting line-ups will be indicated. Failure to comply with this provision shall be reported to the Basketball Operations Department.”

There you have it. The only thing Popovich was required to do, by the rules, was notify the scorers at least ten minutes before tip-off who was on his roster for the game as well as indicate who, out of those players, would be his starting five. Judging by the complete lack of any comment from the Basketball Operations Department, Popovich did just that. Apparently all of this boils down to the Spurs not acting in “the best interests of the NBA,” again, according to Stern. It would appear that the NBA’s “best interests” revolve strictly around the reputation and appearance of the league in terms of TV ratings, especially since everything that’s happened since Stern’s pre-game announcement has raised the following questions:

• If this had been a regionally televised game rather than a nationally televised game, would the penalty have been handed down? Would it have been as big?
• If it was a team other than the Spurs, would Stern have reacted as he did?
• For the love of all that is holy, what does Stern have against the Spurs organization?

Stern has been roundly criticized for his decision to penalize the Spurs, and definitely for fining them as much as he did. Steve Kerr, who used to play for Popovich, tweeted that Stern’s actions will “cause a serious legal challenge for the league” because the commissioner stepped into a coach’s territory in determining a roster. Now, the Spurs have remained quiet on the penalty since it was announced because that’s how the Spurs operate. They’re a classy organization that’s typically devoid of all the drama, bad press, and theatrics of so many other teams (hmm…drama breeds ratings…maybe we’ve discovered Stern’s issue with San Antonio?). I would love to see the owner send a check for $250K to Stern’s office and include a note from Pop that says, “Fuck you, Mr. Commissioner,” along with a personal check from Pop for $50K to cover the fine that would inevitably come from cussing out the commissioner. Needless to say, February 2014 (Stern’s announced retirement date) feels ridiculously far away.

For thinking that his role as commissioner makes him the NBA’s dictator with a hand in all decisions of which he chooses to be a part, Stern wins this week’s Dumbass of the Week award.

Congrats, Idiot.

By the way, for the awesome and amazingly scathing article that spawned the title of this post, check out Yahoo!’s Adrian Wojnarowski.

One Flag, Two Flags, Red Flag, No Flag?

Now that I’ve awakened from turkey coma and survived the weirdest Black Friday I’ve ever worked, it’s time to sit down and award the Thanksgiving edition of the Dumbass of the Week Award. For those who are friends with me on Facebook, you already know the only game I watched Thursday was Houston at Detroit. I don’t have the NFL Network, and Washington at Dallas didn’t really catch my interest, so if I wanted to uphold the Thanksgiving = football tradition, the Texans/Lions game was my only other choice. While the game ended in a pretty ugly example of overtime football, play during regulation was reasonably good television. Detroit was putting up an impressive fight, and surprisingly it wasn’t the work of bad passes, dropped catches, or lost fumbles that can be blamed for their ninth Thanksgiving loss in a row.

I’m a firm believer that a loss shouldn’t be laid at the feet of a single player; sure a player might miss a buzzer-beater three pointer, or a kicker might go wide left (I’m looking at you, Gary Anderson, in your old-school helmet), but the reality is that an entire game is played before and/or after that singular play. Poor shot choices, dropped passes, dumb fouls, and costly penalties all impact the path of the rest of the game. There’s no doubt that some of those incompletions and penalties dictated the choices made by the Detroit Lions as the game progressed, but in this case a person could make a strong argument for, all else remaining the same, one person in one moment cost the Lions that win.

Who, you ask? Head coach Jim Schwartz. How? He threw his challenge flag. For those who were in charge of informing everyone else when Santa was coming down 34th Street so they could all come watch, were outside playing their own pick-up game, or were sent scrambling to the grocery store because someone forgot to buy the cranberry sauce, let me give you a rundown of the events.

In the third quarter, Detroit was leading 24-14 when Matt Schaub handed the ball off to RB Justin Forsett who scampered through the lines and headed forward only to meet two Detroit defensemen who attempted to bring him down. A split second later he popped back up and kept on running, a single Detroit player trying (and failing) to catch up with him as bolted the remaining distance to the goal line, appearing to score a touchdown 81 yards after being given the ball. Chaos ensued, both on the field and in my home. My husband and I immediately rewound the game and watched the tackle again and realized two things:

1. Forsett was undeniably, unarguably down at the 25-yard line. When they rolled the replays (5,497 times, of course) it was clear Forsett’s left elbow and knee made firm contact with ground. The play should have ended right at that point. It didn’t because…
2. The refs never blew the whistle. Without that obvious, audible signal, Forsett was given the freedom to jump back to his feet and take off for six points.

Now, under normal circumstances the initial shock of what had just occurred would give way to an automatic review (since it was a scoring play), and the guys up in the booth, provided they were different from last week’s winners, would have seen immediately that Forsett was down. The call would have been overturned, the ball would’ve come back to the far side 25-yard line, and Detroit’s defense would have had another chance to stop the Texans. Instead, Schwartz threw his challenge flag out onto the field. The result was Detroit getting slapped with a 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty and the play not being reviewed.

If you’re like most football fans, hell most football players, that penalty and negated review sort of blew your mind (unless you watched last week’s Atlanta Falcons game when head coach Mike Smith committed the same error). So what really happened? When Schwartz threw a challenge flag on an automatically-reviewed play, the review gets taken away. In some ways, I suppose it’s meant to get the coaches to trust the way the game is now set up. Trust that, in an automatic review situation, the refs will make the right call. According to the NFL’s Dean Blandino, director of instant replay, the automatic review was created on scoring plays and turnovers to prevent teams from causing delays to the game in order to give their coaching staffs time to determine whether or not to challenge the previous play.

In other words, if this game had happened five years ago, it’s possible that a member of the Lions defense would have done something like obviously jumping offside prior to the snap of the ball. Doing so in a blatant manner would force the refs to throw the flag, and the lack of a snapped ball means the Lions would still be able to challenge Justin Forsett’s touchdown. To keep these actions to a minimum, the NFL opted to make turnovers and scoring plays automatically reviewed by the guys up in the booth, who will then give a “yay” or “nay” to the head official on the field as to whether or not play can continue.

The incentive for not throwing the flag on these types of plays? Having them reviewed and not getting hit with a penalty. This rule is applied so rarely that most people don’t even know it exists and therefore assumed Thursday’s snafu was the result of a new rule this season. Granted, it is very recent (having been created at the same time as the automatic review in 2011), but no, it wasn’t a new rule used to perpetuate Detroit’s Thanksgiving woes. Also recent was Mike Smith’s flubbing of this rule just last week. Why didn’t we hear about it as much as we’re hearing about Schwartz’s no-no? Smith’s Falcons ended up winning their game. Schwartz’s idiocy ended up allowing the Texans within one score of the Lions by way of a freebie TD.

Sure, a person can argue that even if the TD had been overturned, Schaub may have just continued to march his team down the field and scored anyway. Definitely a possibility, but if that scenario had occurred and the Lions still lost, they would’ve at least lost due to their own play (or lack thereof). Instead, their own coach lost his head, and they lost their game. His stupidity is even more ridiculous when one has to assume Smith’s slip-up last week served as a reminder to coaches league-wide not to challenge on scoring plays or turnovers. It’s part of their job as head coaches to know these rules, and Schwartz just demonstrated that his awareness of those rules is a bit shaky. During the replays, you can even see he had to wait until a ref explained it to him before he began his “That’s on me” explanations to his team.

A few final things to consider:

• The on-field refs played it the right way despite some people’s claims they should be fined or otherwise punished for not blowing the whistle when Forsett was tackled. When you watch the play develop in real-time, it’s entirely possible that the closest ref to the tackle wasn’t in the best spot to see whether or not Forsett was actually down (I was certainly questioning it–doesn’t happen often, but players have landed on defenders in such a way that keeps themselves from touching the ground). Running plays are unpredictable at best due to the cuts, speed, and fake-outs of a RB. Refs aren’t always going to be in the right place at the exact right moment. If you think about it, had they blown the whistle and Forsett not actually been down, there would’ve been no way to challenge or reverse that call. Houston simply would’ve been out of luck on that particular play. By letting him continue to run, the refs were allowing for the best possible outcome of the play: if he scored, the automatic review process would allow for an overturn and play continues as it should.
• Kudos to Justin Forsett for having the awareness to continue running when he realized no whistle had been blown. Since a ref’s whistle signals the end of a play, and not the assumptions of the players on the field, Forsett simply took advantage of a moment. It’s an awareness I would hope most NFL players have, though judging by the lack of action on the part all but one Lions defensemen, it’s apparently not.

In the end, everything happened according to the rule book. Is it stupid to negate a review when a coach throws a challenge flag in the heat of the moment? Quite possibly. Is the reasoning behind the rule logical? Sure, it seems that way to some degree, and the NFL Competition Committee has said it will review the rule which may lead to a mid-season or post-season rule change. Either way, the only person who made a mistake that couldn’t have been fixed by following the rules was Jim Schwartz. He says he was aware he couldn’t challenge the play, but “overreacted.” For doing something he knew was against the rules, Schwartz is this week’s big winner.

Congrats, Idiot.

Thanksgiving games are an iconic part of the NFL schedule, and the Lions have been part of that tradition since the beginning. There are a few moments that rise above the holiday on which the game is played to become lasting memories and trivia answers. Jim Schwartz can now say he breathes the same rarefied air as Leon Lett. The holiday season is the time for nostalgic memories, or something, isn’t it? Enjoy.

PS–The cast of characters here reads like a who’s who. For Dallas: Jimmy Johnson, Troy Aikman, Jason Garrett (Troy’s backup), Emmitt Smith, Moose, and Michael Irvin. For Miami: Don Shula, Mean Joe Greene (D-Line Coach), Pete Stoyanovich, and Mike Golic (Dan Marino was hurt…blew his Achilles in Week 5). Oh, and by the way, the man announcing the result of that play? Ed Hochuli–his explanation length hasn’t changed much has it? Of course…those biceps have.

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Idiocy

At the start of the NFL season this year, the referee lockout had fans, players, analysts, and coaches mystified and pissed off. Why would a league so focused on improving player safety and maintaining a good image (read: marketable image that will continue to make them billions of dollars) be so set against doing whatever they needed to in order to bring back the regular referees and send the replacement refs packing? We all remember the dozens of weekly examples the replacements gave us, all of which pointed to the dire need to get the regular guys back on the field: lack of player control, no clear whistle signalling the end of a play therefore endangering the players, and a complete disregard of the rule book (in fact, I’m not totally convinced they were aware a rule book existed). Anyway, everyone was demanding, hell some were even begging, for the regular refs to return. We missed us some Ed Hochuli.

After the debacle that was the Monday night game between the Packers and Seahawks, Goodell was really left with no option other than to cave to [enough of] the referees’ demands or risk being tarred, feathered, and run out of the league on a rail. We celebrated the return of the regular zebras, and promised that, when the time came, we’d affectionately hate them all over again for perceived slights of all kinds against our teams.

Readers, that time has come. On Sunday, the game between the Broncos and the Panthers hit a sketchy spot in the second quarter. Carolina couldn’t convert on downs and punted the ball to Denver’s Trindon Holliday who took off down the sideline all the way into the endzone for six. I think. Maybe? Judge for yourself.

The replay seems to show almost incontrovertible evidence that Holliday flipped the ball out of his hands before he actually crossed the goal line. Unlike when DeSean Jackson did it (a couple of times), the TD wasn’t called back and placed at the spot of the fumble. It wasn’t even called back and placed at the Broncos 20-yard line as a touchback like it should’ve been. The TD stood as called.

Why didn’t Ron Rivera challenge the call? Well he shouldn’t have to, considering the replay rule change last year that requires all scoring plays to be reviewed automatically by the replay officials up in the booth. Plus, even with the replay rule change this year that allows replays to be shown on stadium big screens, the chances that Rivera or any of his staff had a chance to realize that Holliday tossed the ball outside the endzone before the PAT was snapped are pretty slim. That’s why the automatic scoring reviews were put in place: it was supposed to increase the accuracy of the calls that had an immediate impact on the score of the game. The switch from TD to PAT was so fast that opposing teams had little time to determine if a call should be challenged.

Besides, it’s kind of, sort of the only job description listed for replay officials: watch all angles available of a questioned play and determine the correct call for the referees on the field. Considering the angles of this play on the internet and television, I find it hard to believe that the replay officials didn’t have the same angles available to them. Since the NFL came out the next day and said the referees did get the call wrong, it’s fairly obvious they did have the angles and just chose either not to pay attention to them or simply not to watch them.

At this point, we can no longer blame “shaking off the rust” for a missed call. In fact, we might even be able to forgive the on-field refs for not seeing it; in real time it is a bit difficult to determine when he tossed the ball and when he crossed the goal line. The replay refs though? No excuses. In fact, there was never any “rust” to speak of for them; they continued to work throughout the referee lockout because they apparently have a different collective bargaining agreement than the on-field guys.

In other words, this week’s winners of the Dumbass of the Week Award are the replay officials of Sunday’s Broncos-Panthers game who, despite the availability of every angle necessary to determine that Holliday did not actually score a TD, still allowed the Broncos to take 6 points off his alleged punt return. For all your inability to see what’s in front of your faces, boys, enjoy this one. Celebrate it, even. It’s probably one of the few times you’ll be mentioned in any regard, even if it was still peripherally and you remained nameless. Take the gold star and put it on your fridge, and then get some glasses, contact lenses, or some sort of lasik surgery.

Congrats, Idiots.

The Trials and Tribulations of Partially-Deflated Balls

We’re all well aware that Lane Kiffin has amassed a laundry list of questionable decisions during his time as a college head coach. Surprisingly, the number of poor choices he’s made have all managed to occur in just three years, since his one season at the helm for the Tennessee Volunteers in 2009 (poor choice number one: leaving Tennessee the way he did). Most coaches put together this kind of list over the course of an entire career, which I suppose is the possibility Kiffin is facing if he doesn’t start making a concerted, visible effort to clean up the goings-on that seem to follow him everywhere.

Where to start…well, I guess we’ll begin with what just came to light out of the newly postseason-eligible USC Trojans. During their November 3 game against the high-octane Oregon Ducks, a USC student-manager was caught partially deflating the footballs that USC was going to be using on offense. Obviously an illegal move, right?

Regulation footballs are inflated to between 12 1/2 and 13 1/2 pounds of pressure per square inch. Anyone who has held a properly inflated football can attest to the fact that there’s very little give to it when one squeezes it. In the PAC-12, each team is allotted six footballs they will use on offense, and (in this case) USC’s six are different from Oregon’s six. Watching the refs constantly replace footballs during a game makes more sense now, right? Anyway, once the balls are properly inflated, the officials check them and then retain possession of them until the start of the game.

At that point, it would seem, a student manager from each team is put in charge of corralling these footballs during the course of the game. Apparently, the USC student manager was on the Oregon sideline during the game (the side where the chains were located), and someone from the Ducks program saw him deflating several of the balls. Once the officials were told, they took the footballs back to the locker room for testing and discovered that all but one of them had been deflated to some degree.

Now, I know that deflating the footballs feels like it’s wrong even if a person didn’t know what kind of edge it would give a team, and yes it’s obviously against the rules. But why? Remove any of the air from a football, and it becomes a little more pliable and therefore easier to catch and throw. If, as a pass-first, pass-heavy offense, you’re going to seek out an unfair advantage, this particular method seems like a viable choice.

Here are the issues surrounding this ridiculousness (other than the obvious rule-breaking):

• USC’s one-two punch of Matt Barkley and Marqise Lee is pretty successful on their own. Is there anyone in NCAA football who thinks these two need any extra help at all? Didn’t think so. (I, on the other hand, can’t throw a spiral with anything larger than a junior-sized football because my hands are too small. I’ll have to remember to partially deflate the regulation-sized one next time my husband and I play catch…)
• Lane Kiffin doesn’t exactly have a squeaky clean image that lends itself to the rest of us trusting him. He claims that the “rogue manager” acted alone, and the coaching staff and players had no knowledge of or role in the student’s choice to cheat. Once a person realizes everything Kiffin has done, been accused of, or found himself tied to (listed below of course), it’s a little hard to give him the benefit of doubt.
• Really, kid? You seemingly make the decision, of your own accord, to cheat in an attempt to help your team beat one of the top programs in the nation, and then you do so in clear view of the opposing team? How many times have we said, if you’re going to break the rules, at least do it in a way that’s going to give you the lowest chance of getting caught. Deflating a football or five on the opposing team’s sideline does not fall under “on the downlow” in anyone’s dictionary, dude.

Both USC and the PAC-12 investigated the matter, or if you read the Yahoo! article, they held an inquisition. No word yet on whether or not it was a Mel Brooks-designed comic song-and-dance number, but it did result in the student being fired and the program being fined $25,000.

So how does Lane Kiffin get the Dumbass of the Week Award and the unnamed student manager only gets honorable mention? Well, it’s hard to believe that a student would choose to put the reputation (or even the season, depending on the mood of the conference and/or NCAA) of an entire college football program at risk by cheating in a way that’s nowhere near a guaranteed payoff against an offense like Oregon’s, and that his choice was made with no influence from the program itself. The USC Trojans are just off a postseason ban from the NCAA as punishment for the improperly benefitted Reggie Bush, had a shot at some serious postseason potential, and were voted the top program in the USA Today preseason poll. Maybe that’s a good place to start enumerating why Lane Kiffin’s weaksauce “I wasn’t involved” statement doesn’t deserve our trust, but most certainly deserves this week’s Dumbass Award.

1. While still coaching at Tennessee, Kiffin accused Urban Meyer of recruiting violations. During a Tennessee booster breakfast, Kiffin told those attending that Meyer had broken an NCAA rule by calling highly touted recruit Nu’Keese Richardson while Richardson had been visiting Tennessee’s campus prior to signing a letter of intent with the Vols. He went so far as to say, “I love the fact that Urban had to cheat and still didn’t get him.” Problem? Meyer calling Richardson wasn’t a violation. Kiffin publicly calling out Meyer and making that accusation was. The SEC reprimanded Kiffin, required him to apologize, and then made a statement saying they expect all their coaches to be aware of both conference and NCAA rules. How is it reasonable to expect a head football coach would understand the rules governing his position? They’re far too busy for something like that. Oops.
2. At the start of this season, when USA Today began hyping up their preseason poll for football, Lane Kiffin went on record saying he wouldn’t vote USC number 1 when informed that Arizona’s Rich-Rod did. Problem? When the national newspaper went through their votes and realized Kiffin had indeed done what he said he wouldn’t, they outed him, abandoning their practice of keeping the votes confidential until the season’s final poll. Their reasoning was that Kiffin’s false statement needed to be shown as such to protect the integrity of the poll. Either way, the revelation of Kiffin’s vote forced the coach to back pedal (again) and attempt to reason away his statement. Apparently, he was speaking from the point of view of an opposing coach. How did we miss that? We must have all been blind to the implied flashing neon sign in his quote that said he wasn’t actually speaking of his own vote. Oops.
3. USC started this season off at home against the University of Hawaii, coached by former USC assistant coach Norm Chow. Prior to that game, Kiffin announced that the LA Coliseum would no longer be available to visiting teams the night before a game for walk-throughs. He claimed that it was to preserve the playing surface and that many programs don’t allow walk-throughs. He added that USC never does walk-throughs before away games to avoid burning up players’ energy. What he didn’t say was that USC only stopped doing walk-throughs when he took over after Pete Carroll jumped to the NFL. He also refused to say which other programs disallow visiting teams into the stadium the day before a game. Problem? It turns out most programs allow walk-throughs. It would appear Kiffin remembered the lesson from number one on this list: don’t publicly name names. It’s a slow learning curve, but it’s there. Unfortunately, closing the Coliseum now just looks like a personal slap in the face to a much-loved former staff member. Oops.
4. In their October 20 game against Colorado, USC switched the number of their back-up quarterback, Cody Kessler (normally #6), to #35 (the number normally worn by the team’s punter, Kyle Negrete). Following a touchdown in the first quarter, USC opted to go for 2 rather than kick the extra point. They trotted out the team, including the number 35-wearing Kessler, to run the conversion and succeeded in having Kessler score it himself though it was called back on offensive holding. Problem? The number Kessler was wearing in the second half: 6. The NCAA rules clearly state that a team may not switch a player’s number during a game to deceive an opponent. Kiffin said that because the original switch from 6 to 35 took place before the game (legal as long as it’s reported prior to the game), it wasn’t against the rules. Sure, that one was legit. What about the one that did happen during the game? When you put a player on the field during a typical kicking situation wearing the punter’s number, it stands to reason that an opposing team assumes he’s out there to hold the ball for the kicker. Instead, it turns out to be a back-up quarterback who, save for a penalty, ran the ball in for 2 points. That player is then on the sidelines in the second half wearing his usual number? Doesn’t seem sketchy at all, right? Apparently the PAC-12 is handling this issue internally, and nothing else has been said as of yet. Oops.

How much longer does Kiffin have before either USC or the PAC-12 hands down a serious punishment? Maybe we can assume that the student-manager acted alone. Maybe Kiffin had planned to close the Coliseum to visiting teams no matter who their first opponent was. It’s possible, I suppose, that the in-game jersey switcheroo happened without Kiffin’s knowledge (I mean, how often do you actually pay attention to a back-up QB? No, Tim Tebow doesn’t count. He’s the Jets RB/non-blocking FB/fake-punt-visible-from-a-mile-away go-to guy. He’s so much more than a simple back-up QB).

If we’re honest, though, his logic behind no longer allowing walk-throughs seems weak at best: protecting the playing surface? What is an opposing team going to do to it that they won’t also have to deal with the following day? And when the jersey issue came up, he didn’t deny knowledge of it. He tried to say it wasn’t against the rules (the “being aware of NCAA rules” thing hasn’t quite stuck yet I guess). And anyway, no matter what Kiffin’s role was in any of these situations, they all happened on his watch. At some point, his ridiculous “Aw, shucks, I didn’t know any better” apologies aren’t going to mean anything anymore. Like I said earlier, unless Kiffin starts taking some huge steps to batten down the hatches of his program, he’s going to find himself out of a job and blacklisted.

Come on, Lane. Remember that whatever goes on in your program is reflective of its leadership. Congrats, Idiot.